Brightly colored outfits flowed freely. Red. Orange. Glowing yellow. Rich brown. Red brown. Purple. Faded green. And all of them were shining in the late autumn sunlight as their faerie owners danced a dance of gratitude over the many herbs and berry juices, apple juice and ciders infused with cherry, blackberry, raspberry, peach, açaí, bitter melon, blueberry, pineapple and every other flavor they could gather or have given to them during their summer travels.
They had gathered seeds and fruits and berries and cording and wool, fur and fluff from bigger animals, and dried fruits and veggies, boiled them into tonics and sauces and vinegars and oils and the most delicious honey infused with every needful and tasty thing. And their pies! And cobblers!
No one celebrates quite like my faeries. I was laughing with them as they told silly stories of their summer adventures. Tales of just jumping out of the mouth of a large toad or escaping from the talons of a falcon. There was no trauma, just laughter. They foiled the toad’s dinner attempt and then dropped bitter herbs on his tongue and laughed as he jumped into the water with his mouth wide open and swam around like that. They didn’t laugh about the falcon as much but told their daring deeds and how they escaped to their awed and very impressed companions.
One of my favorite stories was how they upset a whole herd of elk silently flying up to them and then howling like wolves from every direction. The poor elk were so confused and didn’t know which way to go. Then the faeries would give a little tug on the big creatures shaggy fur and silently as a ghost fly away. Once they got to the cover of the forest or aspen groves, they’d lie down in the piles of fall leaves, rolling and laughing until they’d cry.
Then, in the middle of all the fun, as the sun began to set and the moon was rising, a goblin roared into our celebrations. There was so much screaming and chaos. I ran around trying to make sure we all escaped and then I woke up breathing hard.
My husband stirred and I rubbed his back lightly until he settled back in to a more peaceful sleep. I laid there wide-eyed, sleep no longer an option and tried to reclaim my dream to see if there was a hidden message or meaning for all my troubles. I often write my dreams down and analyze them to see symbolisms and messages from my subconscious or from my faerie friends.
For years my dream time was a place where dark memories would also feel safe to surface. Those were tricky but once I brought them out into the light of day fully, the trauma of those memories would leave me alone. I knew I’d never dream of them again, at least not in a painful way. I learned to face, accept and fully release those experiences that created such deep levels of PTSD, and healed little by little over many painful years.
Now, my dreams were mostly left over emotions from that trauma, or symbolic messages from my subconscious or messages from heaven and my faerie friends. What did this night’s dream mean?
By now, I no longer felt carefree and like celebrating our gorgeous fall. I felt heavy, overwhelmed with so many cares pressing down on me. My body hurt and my head ached. I pulled the covers over my head and wanted to stay in bed forever. I closed my eyes and thought back over the dream. The celebration felt so real. Maybe it was a gift from the faeries, a magical replay of sorts. I’ve had those given to me from time time. And this one felt like that but what about the goblin?
Most humans aren’t allowed to join in these celebrations. I always hear about them and have witnessed some when they are happening but this fall I was recovering from major surgery and couldn’t get out but for short, short, painful walks. I started to worry that my faerie friends had been hurt or all their hard work destroyed. I didn’t want to wait until they came around again. Sadly, you can call for them but they aren’t obedient and only obey if it suits them.
2020 had many miracles and glorious highs. And as my angel mother is want to say, “Miracles are wonderful, however, they usually come because there is no other way to proceed. They aren’t always as glamorous as they may seem.” I was able to overcome many challenges and still this year had beaten me up pretty good, along with so many of us. It is a year that most of us will never forget. If it were just an Election year, or if it were just a year of extreme racial tension or if it were just a year of unprecedented killings and riots and unrest or if it were just a year of the biggest pandemic of my lifetime, it would’ve been too overwhelming.
But for most of us, the chaos wasn’t just something “out there,” it was something that affected us each deeply and personally. It could’ve been a loved one passing from COVID19, our huge world pandemic, or kiddos and adults suffering from school being at home away from teachers and friends like we’ve always known it, or getting sick with something else and having to navigate our new hospitals and medical infrastructure during a pandemic, or loosing a job or jobs changing drastically from what we were used to, or not being able to travel or find our old adventures in the same way. Or it might be something completely separate from these stresses but because of these stresses, that “something” just felt worse or more difficult to face.
As I laid in my bed under my covers, I thought over all I had experienced this year. Like I said, I experienced health issues that made this pandemic even more precarious. I felt weighed down by my dear one’s foolish decisions causing estrangement from people I love who went where I couldn’t follow. There were normal family challenges and areas to grow in my marriage. I got so sick that I needed two blood transfusions and eventually surgery. And life didn’t slow down for me to face all these things perfectly. I was tired and trying to stay afloat.
It hurt so much. And if my faeries were harmed, I’m not sure I could handle one more thing. I just wanted sleep. But there was laundry needing folding and dishes that needed to be put away and I wanted to juice some lemons and ginger for my morning immune system boost. So, I dragged my aching body out of bed, splashed some water through my hair and on my face, brushed my teeth, got dressed and headed down to face my day.
I looked at the piles of clean laundry and just walked away, I’d fold those later. I went to the kitchen. As I began juicing my lemons and ginger, I reengaged with my thoughts about this year and my personal struggles.
I had just finished my juice and drank it down when I heard my wind chimes dancing wildly and realized that my faeries were calling to me. Oh, I can’t wait to talk with them!
“Follow us! Take a walk. We have so much to share!”
“I had a dream about your celebration...there was a goblin...is everything ok?”
All the faeries started laughing, “Yes, we sent the images of our celebration to you, to make you happy.” “No goblins!” “Everything is well.” “Take a walk with us!”
I was so relieved! Then the goblin must just represent the year and all it’s challenges. That sounds about right.
Knowing that this was the very medicine my soul was craving, I said farewell to my laundry and dishes and slipped on my shoes and headed out the door.
With a whoosh of refreshing cool fall air, I stepped away from the heaviness and smiled to see my faeries dancing and twirling in the air in front of me. As soon as I was outside, they all began talking to me at once. I was used to their excited tiny voices happily walked with them, listening carefully and catching a piece of one story and then the next and back to the first.
We didn’t get very far before I realized that for as sunny and beautiful as it was, there was a sharp, cold breeze blowing. I told them all that I needed to go back and get my coat. I’m not sure anyone heard me as they continued their chattering and dancing and twirling along.
So, I rushed back home, grabbed my coat and flew out the door again. I hurried to catch up, hoping I didn’t miss my chance to be with them today. I needed their happiness and wisdom.
Once I caught up, I realized they either hadn’t noticed I was gone or weren’t worried and had just kept talking. I slowed down and continued where I left off.
The leaves were almost all brown or on the ground and it smelled more like winter than fall. The sun was bright and the wind was cold and there was a sense that we were walking into the winter season together. I wouldn’t have many more days like this before my faerie friends stayed inside more than they were outside. So, today I would just revel in their cheerful company.
We curved around from one road to the next until we came to an opening above our little valley. All the faeries stopped talking and we all gasped. We were standing above our valley with the sun sparkling off the lake and birds were flying here and there. It was simply breathtaking. After a moment’s pause, their chattering continued and we walked straight for our peaceful lake.
I heard more talk of the celebration that continued after dark when the faerie lights were magically lit and the bonfires roared. They said that they danced into the night and watched the moon rise before they settled in, under warmly knitted fur that they plucked from the neck and belly of mountain goats and dyed all colors of the Colorado landscape. They sang upbeat jiglike songs and some continued dancing. Eventually the music turned mellow and haunting, like the coming of a storm or the changing of the seasons.
The young faeries were sent to their beds while the rest told stories from ancient days, when this land was new and few humans walked here when the animals were kings and the magical and now mythical creatures roamed freely and peaceably with the world around them.
As we walked around the lake, they stayed close to the shore, blending in with the blue, brown, yellow, gold, black and red dragonflies. No one paid them any attention. It was sad really. I was told years ago by my faerie guides that the faeries would be there for anyone who was conscious and awake enough to connect with nature and their magic. But year after year, we humans close down more and more, escaping into our electronic world away from anything real.
That’s part of my job, to help people awaken to the wonder of our planet and the beauty that is here, to remind our kind to believe in magic and angels and faeries. They are all around. But we have to put down our phones and talk leisurely walks being connected to the beauty and magic to be found.
On our right side were bright red rose hips. I happily followed the faeries lead of picking a few and eating the sweet rose hip flesh off the seeds below and leaving the seeds behind for growing more wild roses in the spring.
Just walking along and listening to them and feeling their lightheartedness, I felt so free. With the sun shining on us, the cold wind dancing around us and their high vibration, it all knocked something loose inside me.
I still felt my pain and the difficulties of this last year but I had recognized, owned and was hot on the trail of fully accepting this pain and these difficulties.
I didn’t go into the deep realms of the faerie on this trip. All I needed today was to remember that there is beauty and adventure even in a challenging year like this one and there is a way to let go of the heaviness and the weight that difficulties can pile up on our soul. And nature and those that live within the flow and rhythms there can be lifted above difficulties, even big ones.
