Oh, spring! There are so many hopes that unbury themselves after the cold, hard winter. Hopes of renewal, healing, warm summer days, love, happiness and joy! This week we cleaned up our yard in preparation for spring growth. Little periwinkle flowers and even little purple Johnny Jump Ups were daring to show themselves. Fresh leaves on the rose bushes and raspberry stalks. The lilac buds and cherry blossoms were especially beautiful. A darling honeybee with pockets of pollen clinging to his little legs, danced from blossom to blossom. With the sun rising ever earlier, the birds are now beginning their morning chorus with gusto. And the bunnies, the cute bunnies, are chasing each other through the streets and lawns all over our neighborhood. If we can forgive them the nuisance that they are for a moment, we can enjoy how cute their spring activity is. Hawks are out preparing their nests and tormenting the crows and smaller birds. We even put out the hummingbird feeder, hoping to lure some of our beautiful, faerielike friends into our yard again.
Periwinkle
Johnny jump up
Lilac blooms
Look at his cute little legs
We’ve had a few 70 degree days that have felt like heaven with the sun shining warm and inviting. Friends and neighbors are beginning to congregate outside and talk again after barricading themselves inside for the winter. Soccer, football and other spring sports are here again. It all feels so delicious. It reminds me of a spring day not too many years ago, when hope was slowly unburying itself in my heart. I had returned home after spending time with Grandma Mae and the faeries deep inside the old cedar tree to find my broken family trying to be happy by playing games together and watching eagles soar outside my parent’s home high on the bluff, but still suffering and in pain.
An adult and an immature bald eagle soaring over our home on the bluff
Everything seemed stacked against us. Our truth was believed by the professionals who understood what we were going through but in our world of friends and family, who should have been by our side, our truth was being stacked against evil lies and everyone but the most educated in what we had been going through, were confused. They were confused at best and outright hostile at the worst. My children had old friends and dear family members accuse them of lying, had doors slammed in their faces, had adults who had once promised to protect and love them, yell at them in front of others, walk away from them and pretend they didn’t see them, leave them as friends on Facebook and as friends and family in real life and many other painful experiences.
Our view from the bluff
I couldn’t have been more shocked or hurt by all that happened. I understood why people hated me because I was standing up against the evil that no one could see outside our home, but my children? It was unthinkable and beyond my comprehension if I had not lived through it. So, besides the pain of having to face our own devastating truths of what had happened to us because of a man who should have been there to love and protect us, we also had to endure the hatred of so many who couldn’t see through the lies and evil. We were scorned, mistreated and left alone. Fortunately, our community of professionals who understood this evil, supported us and did all they could to protect us. We also had a few stalwart friends and family who never left our side, who were there to hold us when we cried, who listened to us when we had yet another revelation of evil to face and overcome, who saw our hearts and knew our truth. They were an oasis amidst stormy, dangerous waters.
That was our winter. That was our pain. We endured it and like the lyrics to the Imagine Dragons song popular that year, we learned that we could, “…walk straight through hell with a smile.” By the time spring began to emerge through the mists and shadows, we were so ready to embrace it. Physically, we were weak and emotionally we were overloaded but we found the beauty of each day, moment by moment. The cherry blossoms were more beautiful than they had ever been, the heather blooms were noticed and loved, we found happiness in the glowing moss and textures in nature. And my faeries. My dear faeries. They were there to show us the hidden spots of spring and guide us to the darling birds and their little babies straining their cute little necks for their next meal.
Cherry Blossoms
The Blooming Heather
Glowing green moss on the trees
The best part of this spring was that I finally felt like I was me again. I was weak, yes, but happy, free, and healing. I felt wonder at the beauty all around me; like when I was a child. I wanted to tramp through the woods with my faeries and play with butterflies again. Even in the wet and cold of a Pacific Northwest early spring, I at least needed to wonder through the woods. But, I was no longer a child. I had responsibilities, expectations and so much to do. Playing was not the rule of the day anymore. I had growing children of my own. Together, we still had a lot of healing ahead of us. Alone, I had my work cut out for me, but with four children...it was overwhelming.
Tramping through the woods
As a child, my faerie angels would dance just outside my window the second the sun began to light the morning sky. I'd hear their little voices laughing and chattering amidst the singing of morning birds as I slowly emerged from dreamland. So, by the time I was nearly conscious, my heart would be fluttering with excitement about what this new fresh day would bring. I could barely wait to jump out of bed and run outside. My mom would stop me and make sure I ate something, but eating, getting dressed, brushing my teeth were just more roadblocks; I needed to be outside!
There was a day that early spring that felt so much like it did when I was a child. I could hear the faerie chatter as they slowly fluttered back and forth outside my window trying to get my attention. It was a cold and dreary Pacific Northwest morning. Normally, at this time of the year, my faeries still weren’t outside all day, only part of every day to help the early blooms along. And for the rest of the day they were still warming themselves by their cozy fires inside their faerie holes. But even though it was early and still cold, they knew I needed them. I pulled myself out of bed and tried to shake the cobwebs out of my head. My children were all sleeping and I walked a little stiffly to make my morning smoothie. I loved mangos blended up with soymilk and very little sweetener. I found my coat and slippers and camera and took my smoothie to go.
Misty morning from the bluff
A little morning light was emerging through the high clouds and making them glow. I turned off the house alarm and slipped out the front door, my excitement growing. My faerie angels, slow from the cold weather, still danced near the door pleading with me to follow them on another adventure. I smiled. "Thank you for getting me out of bed," I said with a growing feeling of laughter inside of me. The faeries nodded and bobbed and two of them slowly fluttered and sat on my camera case. We were ready to go.
