After this long break of not being able to write in my faerie blog, it is time to continue my story with the faeries. So much life has been lived since last I wrote. So many gifts have been given and received. I’ve once again found love, this time more real and more fulfilling than I have ever dreamed possible, with more peace and more happiness…
If real love and marriage weren’t enough, seeing dear friends and family at our wedding and reception, officially adding three new beautiful children to my life to love and becoming a grandmother, adding more joy and happiness to my already bursting heart. So much has happened with our wedding and honeymoon to Puerto Rico, then our first grandbaby being born, then my husband and our 5 children that live with us spent a week on the Salmon River in Idaho. My husband and his close friends were river rafting guides for years and took us down some of the most pristine waters and mountains I have ever seen. It was truly magical!
I was also able to go away to the top of the Rockies with some of my dear healing sisters to prepare for our Goddesses of Lights Retreats that will start next year, stay tuned. It was an amazing retreat full of delicious foods, emotional connecting, my fantasy novel and faerietale, strengthening womanhood and filled with power and breakthroughs, with the special appearance of a mountain lion’s tracks and presence and although other, gentler creatures were not present for us to enjoy because they were smart enough to stay away, the mountain lion was a cool guest.
On top of all the other beautiful and busy adventures of this summer, as I sit here writing this blog, our second grandbaby just arrived a couple of days ago, healthy and beautiful. We brought him home the very hour of the height of the solar eclipse! The energy and power of having all three planets, the earth, the moon and the sun, aligned has been a great blessing. I feel renewed and ready to continue forward.
The faeries have been preparing for this eclipse for weeks. It was more exciting than Midsummer. The magnitude of this eclipse was something that didn’t happen here in the U.S. often. In fact, it hadn’t happened this thoroughly since 1918, 99 years ago! While the wildflowers were in full flavor, the faeries relished the beauty and gathered nectar and petals and arranged bouquets and distilled essences that only the faerie world can create. It couldn’t have happened at a better time, as we slip into Autumn in just a few weeks. Everything in nature is vibrant, at the height of its most alive time. I am so grateful for the festive feelings and it makes me excited for the coming of the harvest and the beauty of the fall.
Years ago, as spring was slipping into summer and my strength continued to increase, I headed down to the beautiful field near my beloved cedar tree. The faeries were out in full strength, tending to the Rhododendrons, the magical Siberian Iris patch, the daisies, the lilacs and the blackberry bushes with their white flowers reaching to the sky. And one of our favorite, special treats was that a hummingbird created a beautiful tiny nest right at eye level in the middle of my parent’s orchard. She had laid two tick-tack size eggs in the middle of her stretchy, soft nest made of spider webs, fluff and covered in green lichen to camouflage it. I spent a minute marveling at the magic of a hummingbird and her little eggs and then continued down the rocky path to the open field.
Faerieland Siberian Iris
The sun was sparkling and the warmth made the pine needles and grass smell especially sweet but the cool breeze reminded me that summer was still young here in the Pacific Northwest. I removed my shoes and left them on the rocky path and walked across the soft green grass towards my cedar. I felt excited and a giggle began to surface inside my soul. Giggles are one of my curses. I almost always want to laugh at something and it is often irreverent. I had almost lost my giggle feeling with so much darkness and pain to wade through but it was returning and I felt it growing inside of me as I neared the tree at the far side of the field.
Faeries began to gather around me, knowing it was time again for another adventure. Life was still very difficult but I was daily growing stronger and more determined. I understood more clearly how to face and release my pain and that left more room for giggles and other forms of happiness. I suddenly became afraid. It would take me many more years before I could face the blessing of release of darkness without much anxiety and I knew that a trip to the cedar would clear away yet another layer of darkness, pain and sorrow. But what was it going to be today?
I stepped through the entrance to the faerie kingdom and descended the gorgeous circular staircase into the main circular hall that connected all the nine hallways in every direction. So far, I had only been led down one hallway with the compact dirt with large timbers lining the hall which led to the white room. I loved and hated that room. I came to look at it as a decompression chamber for emotions. There was nothing to distract me from my pain and so my pain would flood out. Fortunately, the white faeries were there to kiss my wounds, and breathe new life into my broken soul. And Grandma Mae, well, without her, I never would have made it through.
I expected to see her greet me but after a time, I realized that she probably wasn’t going to come. The few faeries who had attended me as I entered were flitting around like they were confused as well, when from down another hallway I heard Grandma Mae’s voice float gently towards me as if by magic. “Follow the sound of my voice, dear one. I am waiting for you in a new room. You are ready.”
The hallway looked the least orderly. It appeared dark and damp even. There was the same compressed dirt on ceiling, wall and floor but there were roots of trees, plants and grasses along with twigs and woven, heavy grasses like patches in holey jeans. Here and there, dirt fell freely onto the path around me. “Don’t be afraid, it is really quite safe,” came Grandma Mae’s gentle voice. I continued but almost tripped on a large and rough root that spanned the width of the hallway. The farther I walked towards her voice, the darker it became. There were no torches, just the light from behind to light my way. And the way was long.
The hallway seemed to go on for much longer than the first hallway, deep underground. Dirt would fall and get my hair dirty. It became so dark that I had to feel along the damp walls to keep going. After what seemed like forever, a bright light swung open and Grandma Mae stood in the doorway of a brilliantly light room. I couldn’t tell what I was looking at at first but as I got near, I could see splendid glass panels covering walls and ceiling with bright lights hung on the walls and chandeliers hung from the ceiling in many places. One chandelier was by far the largest, with dripping crystals the shapes of flowers and faeries seemingly flying around in circles.
I slowed my steps as I took it all in, mesmerized. She let me take my time and simply waited until I shook my head and came back to myself, “Grandma! I’ve missed you. So much has happened.” I hugged her and found tears were beginning to flow. Not like the first time I came into the depths of what I now considered my cedar, but a weary cry of too many sleepless nights, too many demands and too much pain, along with victories that took all I had to give to accomplish them along with too many worries, yet. But it wasn’t the raw, overflowing pain from the beginning and it didn’t hurt nearly as badly but healing was still desperately needed.
“Welcome back. We’ve missed you. But from what my faeries have told me, you have been taking time in their gardens and photographing the beauty. They’ve seen your children who are laughing more and playing more like children should play. They’ve even said you are walking a little for exercise and spending more time outside. Well done. They’ve also said that they are hearing less of phone calls involving lawyers and doctors and such but there are still some. How are things going?”
“I know I shouldn’t be surprised but you’ve captured things pretty well. I’ve nearly finished writing my book and faerietale and am working to create an iconic cover, I think it will be of one of our faeries.” I looked at Grandma and could tell she was pleased and it made me happy. “I am meeting new friends who are healthy and strong and though I miss my old friends, I am grateful for people who love, and support me without judgement for what we’ve been through. My best friends have stood by my side but I worry that they are getting weary of all the difficulties. So, I try to spread out the burden and then deal with as much as I can by myself, with my angel faeries, you and heaven. But it is lonely. But lonely is better than the old alternative.”
She looked in to the room of mirrors and gave me a gentle glance that asked whether I was ready to try this new room out. “Lead me in, I’m ready.”
